1) Spend years upon years sharpening your vocal ability but rise no higher than a passable church choir singer.
2) Eat a lot of chocolate goodies and bacon fat food until great amounts of cellulite accumulate.
3) Build up your wardrobe with ugly dresses and wicked witch shoes that any woman with a sense of honor and style wouldn't be caught dead in.
4) Develop a stiff walk stride which will fool people into thinking you have proper etiquette whereby the real reason is to balance excess heft.
5) Watch BGT obsessively while eating chocolate covered cherries and bon bons, all the while thinking of a master plan to get recognized.
6) Apply for an audition and appear humble and dowdy. Submit to condecending interviews and public ridicule, which is part of the show after all.
7) Get on stage. Have two guys make fun of you as you go out. Say stupid things so the panel (and audience) will laugh at you.
8) Put all your energy into the song and have it go well over expectations. You sang it well, not great, but they think it's great.
9) Have Simon Cowell see the worldwide response and devise a plan to record you and make tons of money at your expense. Of course, you will get a small stipend while he gets the lion's share (or in this case, the snake's share).
10) Release C.D. in time for the holiday season. It is lackluster and putrid, but who cares? It will sell millions because people buy into the illusion. So what if it's a quick buck? People will fool themselves into thinking it's good. If it's put in a time capsule, and people from 2050 open it up and play it, they will be horrified about the stupidity of this era, and promptly destroy it with a laser so future generations can be spared from this abuse. That is, if any intelliegnce is left in 2050.
This is utter trash. I wouldn't give it to my worst enemy. Nobody deserves that treatment. Nobody. I would give it no stars if I could. Better yet, it would get minus stars for simply existing. Devo was right.
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I Dreamed A Dream.
